Away from home

I didn't start missing people until the day of my flight. When I left church that day I had started missing those Sunday friends already; people I had grown up with, served alongside, and/or cared for. I knew it would be almost impossible to to find the kind of camaraderie I had with these friends. Young and not-so-young alike.

Then I had lunch with the girls, referring to the five girls who are probably the only ones who can make me do things I don't want to do. I always refer to them as 'the girls' in my head and my planner. I was all right during lunch, but started to feel sad when we parted ways after lunch. I miss our dinner dates.

Throughout the entire process of applying, waiting for confirmation, making arrangements to come here, etc, I knew I would miss my family. A given. But I didn't think much about it I guess, as my mind was occupied with 'what if they reject me after 2 months' thoughts and later when I had confirmation, with 'thank God!', 'I can't believe this is happening', and 'what else do I need to settle before I go' thoughts. Even after checking-in at the airport I was fine. Only when we were at the customs did I start feeling super emo. SUPER. I wanted to find a place to sit down and indulge in my emo-ness.

I didn't.

I miss life back home, the people, the compactness of the country, the transportation, the convenience. Not that life here is bad of course, especially if one drives. Almost everyone I've met is friendly and nice. It's so amazing. And the thing I love most about this place now is the sky. So blue and clear in the day and filled with stars at night. Makes me happy just staring at them.

2013 Resolution

This is really late, I know, but I only just decided on a resolution for this year. I'm going to write/blog more. I realised I did not write much in 2012, primarily because my modules in school were interpretation modules and essays do not count. Plus, I blogged a grand total of 4 times last year, one of which was a poem by someone else.

The thing is, blogging doesn't seem to come naturally to me nowadays. You know how when you were young and you would blog about every single mundane thing in your life even though nobody wanted to read about it? That, apparently, fades off with age. Social media websites like Facebook and Twitter probably play a part too. As it is, I'm kinda forcing myself to complete this entry just a teeny-weeny bit.

Anywayss, remember I said in the previous entry I would announce something? Well, that something did not work out. Long story. There's another something in the works now, but I need to wait and it is seriously killing me. I alternate between depression and frustration when I think about it. Depression because I have been lazing around the house for the past 4 months, and frustration because I feel that this waiting is totally unnecessary but I can't do anything about it. Then I'd force myself to remember that God's timing is perfect and that I shouldn't rush Him or complain and feel slightly better. After which, I'll feel desperate and frustrated again and wonder if I should give up. And the cycle goes on and on and on.

I am back! It has been such a long time since I last blogged or even read a blog. Discounting Tumblr of course.

Things are heating up right now in my life, what with four assignments due in the next three weeks, and then exams immediately after. AND THEN it'll all be over! I would have finally finished my undergraduate studies (if I pass these last 4 modules). I seriously did not enjoy going back to school as much as I had thought I would, although I guess it being part-time made a huge difference. And can you imagine that the module I liked studying for most was Calculus and Statistics? I really miss the O'levels.

I've been on an active job search for about a month now, but I can't seem to find either a job I liked enough to do it for more than a year, or one that I liked and suited my qualifications. Almost all of the jobs that caught my eye only wanted diplomas, really.

One day, I got an idea, explored it a little, told my mum about it and it is seemingly in motion now. I'm sorry about the cryptic story, but it is a little hard to execute and I still do not know if this is what God wants me to do even after praying tons. So, I prefer to keep things under wraps first until they are more or less confirmed.

I will be back with news, though perhaps sometime next year looking at the frequency, or lack thereof, of my posts.

25

Yesterday was my 25th birthday and there's a part of me that is in denial that I have lived for a quarter of a century. Sometimes I feel like I should be 3-4 years younger; other times I feel a sense of urgency to move on to the next phase of my life, especially when I see friends my age or even younger settling down and having babies. I cannot help but wonder when it'll be my turn and eagerly await the time when my life would officially begin.

On the other hand, I am thankful for the past 25 years and having been brought thus far. I thank God everyday for my family, the blessings He has shown me, and the tests and challenges He has put me through to make me who I am today.

May the next quarter be everything I hoped for and more :)

Me Time

I realise there is such a thing as too much me time. I've been getting kinda bored with myself recently, running out of things to do and nua-ing has lost its novelty. It feels like I've been in uniSim since forever and the end is not in sight even though this is my last year.  :(

他眼里有你

我攀登了万仞的高冈
荆棘扎拦了我的衣裳
我向缥缈的云天外望
上帝，我望不见你！


我向坚厚的地刻里掏
捣毁了蛇龙们的老巢
在无底的深潭里我叫
上帝，我听不到你！


我在道旁见一个小孩
活泼，秀丽，褴楼的衣衫
他叫声妈，眼里亮着爱
上帝，他眼里有你！


--徐志摩

5 MINS FROM 2012 and I'm alone at home

This holiday season has been whooo! Someone give me a slap if I ever volunteer to make calendars from scratch again, attempt to cook a 5 course dinner for 6, make cupcakes for 40 people in 2 days, and then plan a thanksgiving dinner for 111 people. Suffice it to say I am now very convinced that I perform best under pressure.

Honestly, today does not even feel like New Year's Eve. How should Christmas Eve feel anyway? How should one feel when a single movement of the minute hand on the clock makes a difference between 2011 and 2012?

Time, time, where do you go

December has once again creeped up on us, bringing to some the anticipation of merrymaking and others a sense of lost time. It has always been my favourite month: gatherings, food, presents and songs. It means that however hard a year I had, it was coming to an end; it also means that I was going to spend time with people whom I had no opportunity to do so with in the year. 

This year though, just seems different. Minimal anticipation and a great deal of sense of loss. I feel I am squandering my time away even as I type this. 

I suppose I should go forward with the intention to celebrate Christmas for its true meaning and not linger over my lack of enthusiasm for the season, and remember that everything that happened this year was in His plan. I just cannot help feeling a tad depressed though. Seeing people talk about their futures on social networking sites makes everything worse. 

So school's finally over

and I still can't believe that we're halfway through November already! Where on earth did the last 10 months go to? I feel like I haven't done anything meaningful or useful. On the other hand, I have some vague memories of slogging away before a computer in an office earlier this year. I need to chronicle my life more systematically, however boring it may sometimes.

Anyway, just a really random thought, since when were we allowed to start our sentences with 'but'? Or was 'because' the forbidden one?

J.R.R. Tolkein

"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.”

La Noche

I only seem inspired to write at night, when my door's closed, the air-con's on and I should be asleep. Like I need the whole day to settle myself down; like my soul only comes alive then.

Marilyn

Marilyn Monroe. One of the most famous actresses of all time.

Sadly, the world has limited her to a billowing white dress. There is so much more to her.
The photo on the right is my favourite.

I just sent off a friend who is currently on her way to London for her uni studies. And I can't help feeling a little sad at the thought of not seeing her in church for the next three months. And it'll still be different even she's back during her holidays. Then I started thinking about how much worse her parents must feel. They may be with her now, to help her settle in and everything, but in the end they still must come back, no?

Then, I began to doubt my desire to work overseas. I'm probably overthinking things, but I can't help feeling a little guilty about going overseas to work and leaving my parents here. Although, in actuality, my mum had done it to us. Okay, that makes me feel better actually. I feel a little silly now.

Anyway, to my little friend who is now on the plane either trying to sleep or watching a movie, thank you for the lovely card. Take good care of yourself, keep a lookout for Jude Law (!), have the time of your life, and always remember that God is with you.

The Dream Job

When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be a teacher. Mainly because that was the only occupation I knew.

When I was secondary school, I wanted to open a bookshop with a cafe because of a book I read.

When I was in poly, I wanted to plan events and such. I also wanted to be a barista.

When I graduated and started working in an exhibition company, I wanted to be barista again. And a professional photographer.

When I got tired of working from 9-5, I wanted to become a student again.

Now that I am a student again, I want to work in a 9-5 job again. I also want to own a small restaurant. Or maybe spend my whole life working from home as a translator. Perhaps marry the man I love and be a good housewife? Or work overseas in the Singapore embassy, or as a translator and meet interesting people.

When I was young, all I wanted to be was a teacher.

Disappointing Myself

Since 2009, there are two times in a year when I would feel very determined to make myself into a determined person, and tell myself that I will be a conscientious student; attend every class annd spend more than three hours on each assignment. So far, this make myself a determined student plan hasn't been working very well. I rarely attend class, leave my assignments till the very last minute and lose my textbook the night before an open-book examination.

The time has come around again. This is its second and last appearance for the year. Will I disappoint myself again?

Mayhem in May

May has never been so crazy. In the past, Boat Asia would have ended by now and my workload would usually be much smaller by mid-April. But this year is a total different story. My cousin's ROM, exams, my uncle's illness and subsequent death on top of Boat Asia really filled my time to the max. Out of all these though, there is a reminder somewhere inside of me telling me that this is nothing. Compared to my cousins who suffered together with their father and watched him slowly lose his life, I think I'm living it pretty well.

The mayhem has come to an end. I think. And hope. And it's past time to get on with life, to get past Boat Asia.

I want this!



From Aldoshoes.com



Further Consolation

In short, I did not manage to complete my list. I'm still looking for a place to do spa, and Bangkok was simply too tiring.

Things have been crazy at work. I really need God's grace. The number of things happening in May is astounding. Boat Asia, Ling and Qin's ROMs, and my exams and my birthday. I need to find time to study!


My sentences are so short.

Steps to Consoling Joy for her Failed Japan Trip

Step #1: Get my nails done  *check*
Step #2: Shop online  *check*
Step #3: Stuff myself with good food in Bangkok
Step #4: SPA
Step #5: Shop like crazy in Bangkok

Once in a while, you suddenly realise that a decision you made a long time ago actually plays a very important role in what you're doing currently.

It only recently occurred to me that my internship stint in Shanghai played a very important part in the things I'm doing now. Studying translation and doing designing; both started in Shanghai. I would probably be clueless about both skills now if I hadn't gone there. It was really, quite an important point in my life.

Many have asked why I chose to study translation and interpretation. Truthfully, I do not have an answer myself. So, hopefully, I made the right decision.